


Trust is the color of a heart's blood flowing.

by hunters_retreat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Protective Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-28
Updated: 2009-05-28
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:10:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5347028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything he had ever had was left behind on the glass encrusted carpet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

_But trust is the color of a dark seed growing._   
_Trust is the color of a heart's blood flowing._   
_Trust is the color of a soul's last breath._   
_Trust is the color of death…_

 

 

He didn’t need to look down to see it dripping onto the floor as he rolled over, too tired and hurt to use his stomach muscles to sit upright.He was damaged to the core and even if he had been hurt before this fight, it was nothing compared to how he felt after it.He licked his lips and tasted the bitter metallic tang and spat heavily on the floor.

 

He took a deep breath and rose, wishing he had the strength to curse but even that was past him. He managed to get upright and almost fell to his knees when he looked at the door. He could hear the words in his mind, words echoed from a time and place where he had been stunned and too angry to quell them. Words that came from father and then again from son, turning their back on the one of them that was different but so achingly similar. _“You walk out that door… don’t you ever come back”_

 

He thought the words might shock Sam enough to turn around but the joke was on him really.He was far more hurt by Sam’s retreating back than Sam would be over the broken record of words.Like everything else about Dean, it was just a repeat of Dad. Sam had told him more than once that he was too much like his father, tried too much to be like him.It wasn’t until lately that he realized how right Sam was and what an awful thing that could be.And it wasn’t because Dean had some sort of revelation about what sort of man their father was because he was always real about that sort of things with himself.The truth was he had accepted this life and the way he needed to behave to be a part of it, the parts of himself that he buried in order to keep in the game.It wasn’t until he watched his brother pull himself back together, watched him bury himself in obsession and loss that he realized what sort of a person it made him.It wasn’t until he’d watched in horrid fascination as Sam taught Adam about their life, that he’d realize how much Sam was their father and how little he would have thought of the man had he met him later in life.Much like Gordon Walker who had at first seemed like the sort of man Dean could admire, but who turned out to be one of the nastiest souls in the business.

 

Truth be told, Dean knew there was only one thing that kept him from being like them. Family. Everything about him, everything he did, everything he survived on, it was family. His Dad. Sam. Bobby. The families they helped. It was a short list now, shorter with this war, but family kept him afloat when his soul was sinking and with Sam gone, he wasn’t sure there was a way to plug the holes anymore.

 

He pushed on, forced himself out the door because someone was sure to call security and it was better he wasn’t there when they showed up. He looked back than at the broken mirror, smashed room divider and glass table where Sam had thrown him. Saw what was left of him on the floor and he couldn’t help the bitter laugh that welled up in his throat. His family. His blood. All of it gone now, left behind in this room where lines had been drawn in Winchester blood.

 

The white of the room assaulted his senses and he thought of consummations and death. White and red. Everything he had ever had was left behind on the glass encrusted carpet.

 

Everything he ever had to give and everything he ever had to live for.His blood.

 

 


	2. Trust is the Sound of Betrayal in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's POV

 

 _… But trust is the sound of a grave dogs bark_  
trust is the sound of betrayal in the dark  
trust is the sound of a souls last breath  
trust is the sound of death

 _  
_ He didn’t think he could say the words.  He didn’t think Dean would believe them, but then he’d always been able to underestimate the power he had over his brother.  Leaving Dean was never easy on him, but he had never realized how broken up Dean had been when he left for Stanford.  Not until it was far too late to make amends. 

 

Dean had been the only thing in his life worth knowing.  Hunting was never something he wanted.  For him it was a chore, and like most kids, he did whatever he could to get out of his chores.  When it came time to move on, he did it and with relish because that life would be behind him and he’d be a free man.  He’d never imagined being a free man meant never seeing his father and brother.  He found he was strong enough to do it, strong enough to walk out and in ways he’d felt stronger than Dean for it, because he’d gotten away from Dad.  It wasn’t until years later that he realized Dean had never needed his independence to feel strong.  He’d always been strong enough.

 

It wasn’t Dad that Dean wasn’t strong enough to walk away from.  Sam just never gave him the choice.  He needed to walk away again though, needed to get clear of this before Dean realized what he was doing.  Keeping Dean mad was only going to keep him ignorant for a few minutes and then he’d figure out what Sam was up to and it was all over.  Like it or not, unless he pushed Dean far enough, he’d come after Sam and kill Ruby just for the fun of it. 

 

Sam felt a little guilty about that but not near as much as he supposed he should.  She was a demon after all, but she’d devoted a lot of time and energy to him.  It still nagged at the back of his head though, the warning that sounded far too much like Dean for his own liking.  The fear that Ruby was playing him a fool and this was going to end badly for them all. 

 

When he struck Dean he knew his brother was letting him, knew that Dean fell with the punch more for emotional pain than because he had too.  Sometimes Sam thought Dean could do anything, would suffer anything, so long as it meant Sam was still safe.  He still wondered if Dean had hoped for 30 years that he would save him and it was only after he lost that hope that he’d broken. 

 

After all, how many times could a man prove their faith was unjustified before it was lost for good?  Stanford.  The Apple Orchards.  Failing to break Dean’s deal?  Had Dean lost faith in him then?  When Sam had watched the Hell Hound’s rip his soul from his body?  When he’d managed to defend himself against Lilith out of self preservation but hadn’t been able to save his own flesh and blood?  Or had it been that he hadn’t been able to get him out of hell?  That heaven had to save him, the angels that Dean had scoffed about ever since fire had made the last words his mother spoke to him about angels watching over him?

 

He took a deep breath and braced himself as Dean stood up, rolling his shoulders for what was to come.  Short and sweet because they knew each other well, but Sam was stronger now with the demon blood pumping through his veins and Dean pulled punches to keep from inflicting the worst damage he could. 

 

“You don’t know me.  You never did…”  Sam said, hating the words and hating even more the way Dean looked at him as he said them.  “… and you never will.”

 

Dean looked at him with pleading eyes, those damn eyes that were the first memory Sam ever had; Dean holding him close, wiping his nose and begging him to stop crying, that he would do everything Sam wanted if he’d just stop crying and let Daddy sleep a little longer.  He’d stopped and every night after that Dean had crawled into his bed with him and rocked him to make sure the nightmares didn’t come.  Those god damn eyes and a nose bleeding from his own hands. 

 

“You walk out that door... don’t you ever come back.”

 

Sam wanted to puke.  Not because Dean meant the words because no matter how angry Dean was, he didn’t think he could ever really mean them.  He felt sick because he’d set out to do this and he had.  He found a way to keep his brother from following him long enough to do what needed to be done.  Dean would work his way through the anger eventually, would forgive Sam when he finally found him after this was all over with.  When Sam was just a corpse.  He would forgive him but he would never forgive himself for this being the last exchange between them.  Sam would never forgive himself either, but he would settle because at least Dean would survive and if he couldn’t protect Dean the way his big brother had always protected him, the least he could do was keep him alive.

 

Dean had enough betrayal from his family.  He didn’t need to keep losing himself to them over and over again.  What their father had done to his boys was unforgivable enough.  The broken promised Sam had always offered Dean were enough.  His betrayal was unpardonable and the fact that Dean would anyway; that was enough.  It was all enough to make Sam take the steps away from his brother. 

 

He needed to find blood, needed to find Lilith, needed to set the world right in the way that only a Winchester could.  He had one thing to offer, and he hoped it was enough.  Hell, it was always something like that right?  His mother, his father, his brother.  They had all offered up their souls.  Sam’s hadn’t been good enough, but he had one thing to sacrifice for them tonight.  He would protect his own with the tainted parts of him now.  He would sacrifice himself for this one thing.  He just hoped in the end Dean could find his way on his own. 

Without him.  Without… blood.      

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [](http://spn-teamfic.livejournal.com/profile)[spn_teamfic](http://spn-teamfic.livejournal.com/) challenge #1 - Blood, for Team Hunter!!! Go Team Hunter! :P Also, has a companion piece from Sam's POV. Also, the quote at the beginning of both pieces is from Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time Series.


End file.
